Anti-Bucket List

Some things I hope never to do.

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t get back to sleep. I tried letting my mind wander, which usually works, but wandering turned into contemplating, which is welcome if you’re trying to write something but really fucking annoying if you are trying to get back to sleep.

As a granddaughter, daughter, sister, and best friend to crazy list-makers, I have been encouraged to adopt the practice, but invariably misplace the list.

But… I figured since I wasn’t sleeping or even wandering, I’d come up with a list of the things I hope not to do before I die; basically, the opposite of a bucket list.

1.       Bungee jump.

2.       Hoard cats.

3.       Wait longer than 25 minutes for, well, anything.

4.       Watch Donald Trump without fantasizing that his head explodes.

5.       Ayahuasca.

6.       Interrupt Judge Judy when she’s speaking.

7.       Stop loving Sam and Charlie sleeping in the bed next to me.

8.       Enter Nathan’s annual hot dog eating contest.

9.       Go on a juice cleanse.

10.   Let the nevers be more than the teeniest fraction of the hell, yeses.