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The rise and fall of the grocery store in the next town over

I started going to the grocery store in the next town over because the one in our town is chaotic and never has any ripe avocados. The grocery store in the next town over has a self-checkout aisle that is not only spotless but managed by a cheerful woman who stands at its entrance, waving her arms. “Come on in! If you need any help, let me know. I love to help, I really do. That’s my job, and I love my job!” Her fervor feels genuine, albeit bordering on sideshow barker, and what can I say? Times are tough, and I am charmed.

Yesterday I made a run to the store in the next town over, anticipating the self-checkout lady. Despite her frantic urgings, I have never availed myself of help, and I had very few groceries, but simply being in her presence feeds my soul. As I rolled my cart over I was surprised to see another woman at her post, and she didn’t seem to love her job at all. She offered no greeting, and when peoples’ help lights flashed, she made a face and yelled what did you do? before storming over. Swallowing my disappointment, I figured I’d keep my head down, scan my shit, and leave without the restoration of my faith in humanity.

Among my items were four ripe avocados. They were lovely. Each avocado had a bar code on it. I know one typically scans vegetables by entering the quantity, not a bar code, but why would they put a bar code on the avocados if they’re not meant to be scanned? So, I did.

The screen above my head started flashing. Help is required for this item! Assistance is on the way! I stood there with the offending avocado for several minutes until I saw sourpuss rounding the bend, looking aggravated.

“What did you do?” she yelled.

“I saw the bar code and scanned it,” I said, adding, “I mean, um, it has a bar code.”

“It’s an avocado,” she snapped. “Why would you scan a bar code?”

“Because that’s what you do with bar codes?”

“Yes, but it’s an avocado,” she snarled, punching in a series of numbers and thrusting the avocados at me. “A freaking avocado.” she said as she walked off, shaking her head. I felt angry, but also stupid. Scanning the rest of my groceries hastily and without incident, I inserted my credit card.

Meanwhile, the woman at the kiosk next to me was scanning her groceries when her Assistance is on the way! light started flashing. In her hand was an avocado. I glanced over sympathetically before grabbing my cart and getting the hell out.

On my way home, I started thinking about the grocery store in the town next to the next town over.