Ciao for Now

I'm going on vacation. My brain already left.

I am leaving for Italy tomorrow on a bike tour from Parma to Verona and Venice. We will be gone for 10 days and I am beyond excited. So far beyond, in fact, that I’ve entirely lost my mind.

Like my yoga teacher used to suggest, I take a deep calming breath. What bubbles up is the fact I only have three bras. Is that enough, do you think? Please tell me it is, and that I don’t have to make another emergency run to Target.

When traveling, the things one does and uses over a typical day have to be planned out, each ritual accompanied by its attendant items. Example: oral hygiene: toothbrush, toothpaste, dental floss, retainer, retainer cleaner, and retainer case. I take stock of my existence, first as concept, then as amassing of accoutrements, and finally, as luggage. It is strangely discombobulating. I think this may be because it underscores the burden of my attachment to routine while triggering my separation anxiety.

Ugh. I want to be the happy-go-lucky adventurer who can’t wait to get on that plane! I want to be 100% excitement and 0% dread! I want to be able to sit here calmly this day before I leave to write a thoughtful final post about something that is utterly unrelated to my packing list, like the magical deer that ran alongside my car on I95 yesterday morning at dawn, because my brain is capable of functioning at an artistic and abstract level. But such is not the case. Sunscreen! Lip balm! Nail clippers!

What I want is to find myself on the other side of the Atlantic, not just living out of a suitcase I have stuffed with the shit my anxiety screams I cannot live without, but inside an all-in experience I open to being thrilled by. Then, I want to come home to tell you all about it.

Here’s hoping.