Cloudy, With a Chance of Seder

Dwelling in Possibility

“I walked with Gail to Soup Girl,” Amy tells me. “We sat on the steps of that big church across the street, you know the one…”

I nod, because I do.

“Soup is impossible to eat while you’re walking. We needed a place to sit so we didn’t get it all over ourselves, so we sat on the church steps and basked in the sun. Then, we walked home.” Home for Amy is the assisted living facility she has been living in for the past few months. I love that she chose the word “basked” even after hearing it five times, which is the number she’s told this exact same soup story in the twenty minutes we’ve been together.

She can’t seem to charge her cell phone and talks about a solution that involves a woman she knows, Post-It notes, and elastic bands. Last night she watched what was supposed to be “My Fair Lady” but instead of Audrey Hepburn, it was just a bunch of people she didn’t recognize yelling at each other. I don’t think this is accurate, but who knows? There’s no room for skepticism these days; my words to Amy are cast in disappearing ink.

I feel better about everything this week because I watched “The Father,” with Anthony Hopkins. No spoilers here, but if anyone with dementia is in your orbit, it’s a life-changing movie to watch, told from inside the mind of Hopkins, who plays a man deep into dementia. The confusion, the shifting reality and untethering of time and space makes me understand Amy in an entirely different way. I used to push back against her brain; now, I go along for the ride.

Amy says she was invited to a Passover Seder tonight, which starts at five. Amy doesn’t want to go. No encouragement is necessary, because in her very next sentence, the Seder starts at six, and Amy is curious to check it out. I see that it’s five-thirty now, which I don’t mention because what’s the point? I tell her to have a good time. I really hope she is right about the later start time, because in this moment, in her mind, she is looking forward to it, and in this moment, in the universe, it is even possible.