Coffee as Last Resort

The listing begins the picturesque town of Hudson, New York offers the perfect backdrop for a peaceful and serene lifestyle. Things slide further into hyperbole with the words stunning, nestled, and curb appeal. Nice drone shot, but there’s a confederate flag next to the Fuck Biden banner flying from the back deck. Does Zillow really think the target Upstate New York market would enjoy morning coffee and hosting intimate gatherings with friends from said deck, overlooking a corrugated metal heavily padlocked outbuilding? Photos of the inside of the house reveal another confederate flag over a window, joined by a don’t tread on me snake. Add the worn imprint of a butt on a faux-suede recliner flanked by a TV tray upon which rests a half-drunk bottle of Mountain Dew, and you’ve got the picture.

Not that I’m judging, except of course I am. I mean, most of us fill in the blanks with assumptions. But I am feeling very strongly now that in a divided country set in a dangerous world, assume does not merely make an ass of u and me. It is a flaw that may well end us.

I’ll tell you what. Hudson homeowner, if you take the flags down, we can sit on the deck. I’ll bring the morning coffee. My name is Laura. I’m a nice lady who is praying what’s inside that padlocked outbuilding is your ATV. I hate and am sad that I’m nervous to tell you my surname. Who are you? We need to talk, because our only best and only hope lies in proving how wrong we are about each other.