If you stacked up all the time I’ve spent in thrall of my body over my lifetime, I fear we’re talking wasted decades. I was in my forties when I finally broke free.
I want to tell my children- especially my daughters, who were paying closer attention to younger me- I am sorry for my inflexible routines. I am sorry I was too often distracted and hasty. I am sorry I was always moving away, always restless. I am sorry that despite what I told you about inner beauty being what mattered, it was obvious how much value I placed on appearance and the perception of others.
My feelings often rested on digits on a scale or the waist size on a pair of jeans. It was that simple, and that ridiculous, and that pernicious. I was a victim of the virus that afflicted many of the females in my family. I was contagious.
But my daughters are resourceful. They are self-aware and clear-sighted, and I find myself in a body that is physical gratitude manifested. It allows me to move through this beautiful world. This is how my grandchildren will know me, and I’m hoping my kids will remember me, full-throated, all in, not wasting a second of my second chance.
❤️❤️❤️