Happy Birthday Boy

To Micah, and Intentional Happiness

It was 2012, and my son Micah was waiting to hear from colleges. His first choice schools were in California, 3,000 miles away. Despite our inclinations, over the years Sam and I managed to accept that parenting requires both raising and launching, so we were excited when he got into U.C. San Diego and U.C. Santa Barbara. I went with him to visit both schools so he could make his decision.

First, we went to San Diego. It seemed San Diego had a better math program, which he was considering as a major. Also, there were direct (and cheaper) flights to San Diego from Hartford and New York. The ocean is warmer in San Diego. We arrived on a perfect day to a campus sun-soaked and immaculately landscaped; the student ambassadors did their enthusiastic best to chat Micah up. We had fish tacos at a sweet restaurant overlooking the ocean. Personally, I was sold, and couldn’t imagine Micah finding a better fit.

We drove up the coast to U.C. Santa Barbara, which isn’t actually in Santa Barbara, which is swanky, but Goleta, a funky little surfing town. We toured the campus and yes, it was lovely, but no lovelier than San Diego. We ended up getting coffee in the student center and Micah asked a student working as a barista how she liked the school.

“I love it,” she said.

That night, back in the hotel room, I asked Micah if he was closer to a decision before casually throwing in some comments intended to shift him in the direction of San Diego. I waited for his reply, which was “Santa Barbara.”

Apparently he’d talked to students on both campuses and he asked if they were happy at their respective schools. At San Diego, students explained their reasons for being happy. At Santa Barbara, they just said yes. And just yes was what he was listening for.

The reason I am telling you this story is that Micah is 28 today, which is around the length of time he’s known that happiness is what matters most, and that it isn’t random but thoughtful, intentional. Happiness for many of us is a by-product or endless pursuit, but for Micah, it is the root, the springboard. Not that he’s always been happy, or is happy all the time, because that’s impossible, but he harbors happiness. He doesn’t chase it, but gives it a home.

Today he is at the precise intersection of Happiness and Happiness, in Brooklyn, a place he loves, with Olivia, a partner who is happiness personified. This sweet culminating moment is, for Micah, a slow, beautiful build, the exact opposite of accidental.

Today, I am wishing the happiest of birthdays to my profoundly happy birthday boy.