Home vs. Here

Here wins.

States differ. This is hardly a new or unique observation, but being in North Carolina for several days after coming down from my home state of Connecticut, differences keep offering themselves, and Connecticut comes up short.

The differences are both small and personal, like a friendly, rather than perfunctory, exchange with the cashier at the grocery store, or sweeping, like when I sit outside with people young and old in the sun outside the Weaver Street Market in Carrboro, with its rainbow crosswalk, and think yes. My daughter and son-in-law bring their baby to Weaver Street and set him in his car seat on a table. No one comes rushing over to yell at them; no nearby diner gives them a huff or the stink-eye. It is moments like these that tell me I am not in Connecticut anymore.

I think it may have to do a bit with the fact that the weather here has been lovely. Everyone tends to perk up as the days get longer and the mercury stops dipping. But there is also an atmospheric goodwill that is not indigenous to my home state.

I think it may be that life is easier here. For one thing, and sorry to be redundant, there’s the nicer weather. For another, there seems to be zero obsession about presentation. No one cares what you’re wearing, what you drive, etc. People only care about you in the ways you hope they will- for instance, if you need help, they offer assistance- and not in the ways you’d rather they didn’t, like telling you the car seat doesn’t belong on a table. Finally, there is an emphasis on shared space stemming from what seems to be a collective love of nature and physical activity, healthy virtues that are their own rewards. People feel better, so they have more bandwidth for altruism and less for nitpicking, and they stay in their own lanes, except to shift if you need to merge onto the highway.

Two of my daughters are here, my son-in-law, and grandson. Parts of my heart. This, plus this is a nicer place than the place from whence I came, and to which I will return in a matter of hours. I feel a tad disloyal, putting my home state down, describing it as too often cold, hard and unfriendly, but it’s the truth. Anyway. I will fall into my routine there, and find the people, places, and things that bring me joy. But today I wake up wishing home was this place, where happiness is less of a stretch and more of a given.