Listen

The simple wisdom of (sorry, Mom) shutting up.

When I was a kid, I thought the most hurtful thing anyone could say- indeed, even worse than shut up, which my mother strictly banned- was “so what?”

Part of it was the delivery- that tone of disgust, that look of juvenile scorn- and part of it was how it landed. It made you feel deep down that what you were saying didn’t matter, and, by extension, you didn’t matter. Those two small words rendered me foolish and irrelevant.

As an older adult, taking the place of “so what?” is “you already told me that.” Usually the delivery is less withering, but it lands just as harshly, inviting the legitimate concern that dotage is setting in.

Nowadays I sit through stories I’ve heard twice and even three times because I don’t want to make anyone worry that they’re losing their shit. I am polite. I would also add that often, it’s the person who has repeated a story to me who is first to shut me down when I do the same.

Some folks start a story with “let me know if I’ve already told you…” which is appealing because it sounds like it is inviting candor. I find myself using this preface, though disingenuously, because the truth is, I don’t tell people when they’ve already told me something, and I expect them to return the favor.

Here’s what I think. When a story is being repeated, unless you are really, really, really pressed for time, listen.  Yes, I know you already heard it. So what?