Pro (Clothing) Choice

Take That, Clickbait

Clothing Choices That Are Making You Look Older. The clickbait caption was effective, a rabbit hole I was sucked into by the twin forces of ennui and inertia. Also, to be honest, I was mildly curious, because when I try, I like to think I dress well.

Nope. According to the article, the clothes I was choosing, pretty much without exception, screamed assisted living. I’ve provided a sampling, along with my disclaimers.

You wear drugstore readers.

It’s true, I need glasses to read, and invariably, I lose them. Drugstores are the most convenient places in which to replace them. Take today. I own four pairs of drugstore readers, and three of them have gone missing. Multiply that by Warby Parker and I’d be living in a pup tent.

You avoid wearing shapewear.

Wrong! I don’t just avoid wearing shapewear, I categorically reject the concept. Full disclosure: not only do I not wear Spanx, I do not wear underwear. If you think you’re shocked, imagine those post-accident ERTs my mother was always warning me about. TMI, maybe, but what is more fearless than going commando?

You wear cardigans.

Shut up. Cardigans are God’s flexible, cozy gift to hot flashes and cold drafts. They can be slipped on and just as readily slipped off. Think Mrs. Robinson, not Mr. Rogers. Are we good?

You wear only sensible shoes.

There is nothing more painful to watch than a person of a certain age mincing or tottering along in stilettos, basically, a hip fracture waiting to happen. My mantra is cushion the foot, maintain the gait, and keep on truckin’ like a mother.

My clothes lack the power to make me anything. I am the boss of them. Today I rose up, defiant, and donned my readers, cardigan, and sneakers, which made me feel not older, and maybe not necessarily wiser, but absolutely, 100% like myself.