Snakes In An Email!

The Power of Procrastination.

I know that over the summer I am supposed to be checking my school email account, but I have spent a lifetime avoiding things that cause me anxiety. For example, I despised my high school French teacher, Mademoiselle Hamel, because she was not only terrifying but cruel, and every time I opened my French book I thought of her, so I avoided studying. I did poorly in class, which further lowered Mademoiselle Hamel’s negative opinion of me. In fact, she thought so little of both my character and intelligence that when found out that Sam, who had been an excellent student in her class, had married me, she was incredulous and told him so. All those years later, she remembered me as hopelessly stupid, and in my mind, she’ll forever be a heartless la chienne.

But back to my school email. I know I need to check it. I know it contains important information for when school starts in September. I also suspect it is full of urgent messages I should have answered weeks ago. Ugh. It’s like opening a sneaky can of worms that might well morph into venomous snakes flying out of Pandora’s Box. I don’t want to go there. But there comes a time when ratcheting guilt and an overblown sense of duty reach my neurotic aversion’s tipping point, which is where I find myself this morning.

I must open my school email! What if a student has been trying to contact me for college essay help? What if I am supposed to teach a different course? What if all this is moot, and I’ve been fired?

I’m nervous! But I’m not alone. Having you by my side, dear reader, gives me courage. I’ve logged into my school email account. Here goes.

Okay. There’s an email from the Writing Department chairperson. He is wondering who might be interested in a participating in a yoga class on Wednesday afternoons.

Ah. There’s also a message from planning committee of this year’s convocation ceremony. They want to know my T-shirt size.

Cool.

There’s a lesson here, of course, about avoidance and procrastination fueling needless paranoia, and, clearly, I need to calm down. I imagined an inbox full of confirmation of my moral failings, but instead, my worst fears have been met with Sure! and Small.