Still; Okay

Loving the Moment in a Season I Have No Use For

I pretty much can’t stand winter, and I should be raging against it right now. I mean, I’m stuck inside (which drives me nuts) and it’s snowing hard (which is pretty, yes, but makes me feel trapped). But right now, in this stuck-inside snowy moment, counterintuitively, I feel good. I can hear my family laughing in the other room. Spouse Sam made currant and chocolate chip scones. I baked cookies. The kids have a Super Bowl bar menu they’ve been planning, deep-fried and sentimental. Charlie the dog refuses to go out. He must need to pee and/or poop, yet even he looks sanguine, sitting on the couch atop son Jake’s old Star Wars sleeping bag. Outside, winter does its worst. I check myself again. Still okay.

I am waiting for my internal humors to shift, but who knows? Nothing’s normal these days. Maybe I’ll be in this sweet spot/holding pattern for a while. How nice would that be, to stop fighting winter and just settle, Charlie-style, nose buried in what’s loved and soft, inhaling nothing past the moment, one sweet breath at a time.