Stop, Look, and Listen.

Or not. And that's okay.

While walking with my daughter Sarah this past week, I was bemoaning the fact I’d just spent way too much of a perfect summer afternoon in the depths of an internet rabbit hole. I’d become obsessed with the case of the Turpin family, thirteen kids and young adults isolated and imprisoned for years in a filthy house in Perris, California, where they were systematically starved and abused by their parents.

The particulars were a theme I am drawn to: a person long-oppressed faces the do-or-die moment and acts selflessly, with great courage. In the Turpin story, 17-year-old Jordan escaped to save her siblings.

I listened to a five-part interview, read several articles, and circled back to see what happened to the Turpin kids after their parents went to jail. Unfathomably, after the hell they’d endured, the youngest six were placed by the State of California into a foster home where they were again abused.

Relaying this, I was getting increasingly agitated. Sarah suddenly stopped and looked at me. I paused, pulse racing, assuming she wanted some heinous detail repeated or clarified. Instead, she said, “You know what? I don’t want to hear this.”

This was akin to stepping in front of a runaway train. You see, for me and others of my schadenfreude ilk, righteous umbrage is oxygen. After the Trump presidency when every day featured some jaw-dropping outrage, I’d become even more addicted to letting off steam by losing my shit.

While venting feels satisfying in the moment, especially to the venter, the ventee might experience it differently. Rage can feel like a shared banner, but it can also create an unfair burden.

I had been on a roll so I had to take a beat to turn it around, but eventually I managed okay. yeah. I get that. Within minutes, we were talking about the wisdom of consignment shopping and what seems to be a regional shortage of All-Bran.

Re. the Turpins: there’s a story there, but for another day. In this moment, despite the All-Bran crisis, we were laughing. Sarah’s laugh is beautiful.

You know what? That is something I want to hear.