The Laura Situation

My Watershed Moment, Explained

The Laura Situation was the subject line of an email my department head sent to my principal and I was cc’d on. I’ve never been a Situation. I got a kick out of it.

Perhaps it comes as a shock to none of you reading my posts that I quit my job. Thus, The Laura Situation.

As a result of the Situation, I walked around yesterday feeling happy. No, elated. I had no idea how full-time consumed I had been by my part-time job. I assumed omnipresent anxiety was just my natural state of being.

Yesterday, when I saw the aforementioned subject line, I found it amusing, not guilt-inducing. This feels utterly foreign, and utterly fine.

Yesterday I would tell you I had a good day. I returned some shoes. Sam and I shopped for a wall clock. While I returned the shoes, I thought about the shoes I would exchange them for; while we shopped for the wall clock, I thought about the wall clock, until I got distracted by some throw pillows. In the car, I listened to the news and felt nothing but pure, targeted rage for what Putin is doing to Ukraine. Later, I was patient walking Charlie, allowing him time to sniff every gross thing he wanted to because I love him and he likes sniffing. I saw my neighbor, asked how he was doing, and listened with interest as he told me a very long story about how he was able to train his pit bull who’d been crated for five years to walk on a leash. As I listened, I was not holding my breath or gritting my teeth. I was in the moment, and not spoiling to get out of it.

Life: I didn’t even realize there was anything wrong until the watershed moment last Friday. It was snowing, I was home alone, and I understood that I was unhappy and knew why. Of course, there were and are a shitload of reasons I’d grown disgruntled at school over time. There are also reasons and people who have made me love my work. All of this positives vs. negatives static caused me to circle through my issues instead of dealing with them. But on Friday I watched the snow fall and everything fell away except the fact I needed to quit. Now.

There’s such a beautiful simplicity to walking away and such a complex muddle to knowing when. For me, when happened last last week. I am not The Laura Situation, just Laura, finally ready for everything that comes next.