The Second Monday

Thoughts on Some Distance

Yesterday was the second Monday in three years that didn’t find me on my way to school. The second Monday I didn’t wake up pit-in-my-stomach anxious. The second Monday that I miss my students, though not the what ifs and the then I’ll have tos. I was calm. I knew the decision I made was the right one, but I also know I should never have had to make it.

I must be mysterious at this point, because the details are unhelpful; all downstream, and only the outcome remains. The outcome is that yesterday was the second Monday I was home, and calm. I will drop here that without support, without trust, a work environment is untenable.

It was the second Monday morning that Charlie the dog was my work environment; the second Monday that didn’t find me wondering how I was going to be okay with a situation was not okay. It was the second Monday my regrets found their place scattered alongside my path, rather than smack in it.

But I have not yet had a Monday where I didn’t wonder how each kid I’ve left was doing. I have not yet had a Monday where a part of me wished I had a part of me so unbreakable that I might have kept those nervous Mondays coming.